when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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