are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
