At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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