And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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