They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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