i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
