It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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