clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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