I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
3pm strippers are depressing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
