Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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