closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
