My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
