My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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