ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
