morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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