I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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