Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
