Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My bed smells like the plague
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
