your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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