They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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