My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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