You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
