I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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