Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm always down for nudity.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
