youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
