My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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