Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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