Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
