I faked an abortion last night.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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