Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
