I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
