Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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