Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
