The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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