he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
