i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.