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chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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