Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Houston, we have a squirter
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.