I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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