We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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