he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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