Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
