omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
