Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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