there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had sex on a roof
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
