i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
