I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
