Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
God, I missed his penis.
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