its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
