there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Can I color on your dick again?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize