have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
