The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
