She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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