I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
