How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
