I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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