So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this will be a night to untag.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
