yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
