Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
