her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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