im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
