Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
