my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
