24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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