Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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