Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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